Miscarriages.

It's no secret that Andrew and I have had several miscarriages. We've never tried to hide it and I'm pretty open about talking about it and our experiences of each one. Not everyone feels so comfortable. Some people may experience a miscarriage and never share it with anyone outside their family. It's different for everyone, and there's no one right way to handle a loss.
But, anyway, back to my post: We had 2 miscarriages before we had Avery and we had 3 more miscarriages after Avery and before Hadley. 5 losses that were all completely different and all completely devastating. There were several times in my life I was right on the borderline of calling a psychologist because I was becoming depressed. Fortunately for us, we were able to get pregnant again fairly quickly (which is not always the case for those that experience miscarriages and it's not always the case for any couple trying to conceive). I know several women, both older and younger, that have experienced at least one miscarriage, while several of those women have experienced more than one.
This post is to reflect on the 5 losses that we experienced. Although I'll never understand why we had to experience 5 losses (it sounds like so many sometimes) and I'll never be "over" the loss of those babies, I am at the point in my life where I can look back and think: If this is the path it took us to have Avery and Hadley in our lives then it is the path that I will take again and again and again. I wouldn't change one thing about my life if it meant not having Avery and Hadley- those specific girls. I miss our other babies we will never know in this lifetime, but I love Avery and Hadley more than life itself.
So, remember, if you've recently experienced a loss or losses and you're feeling hopeless, like I once (or five times) did, keep going. It may not feel like it, but there's something amazing at the end. Our third loss was in May of 2009. So from May of 2009 until October of 2010, I felt nothing but hopelessness. And even after finding out we were expecting again at the end of the October, I had 9 months filled with doubt and fear. And now I am looking at my husband holding our perfect little girl. And that's exactly how it's supposed to be.