Strong Fighter

I haven't updated this blog since May 13th.

A lot has happened since then. A lot that I couldn't even begin to write at the time it was happening. School let out, and to celebrate some of us girls went to the Dine-In Theater to see The Fault in Our Stars. We had a really great night... but the next day, my sister (24.5 weeks pregnant) was hospitalized at Barnes Jewish Hospital due to the baby having Hydrops fetalis.

If you want to read Jonah's entire story, you can do so at my sister's blog here.

He was born on June 27, 2014 at 28 weeks gestation.

Jonah Donovan Naylor went to be with Jesus at 1:51 pm on July 4, 2014.

I have a hard time still accepting it. At times, it feels like a dream. Sometimes I'm just sad. Sometimes I'm angry. Sometimes the emotions are so much, I can't even pinpoint one. I know that I want my sister to stop hurting. I want Jonah back with us. I almost said "where he should be." Where I want him to be is more accurate. Where he should be is where he is. In heaven, with our creator. Whole and healed. Not struggling to breathe, or struggling to live.

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to our family. I miss a baby that I only knew for one week, but that we had all thought about, dreamt about, wondered about. I saw him move and open his eyes. I saw him try to cry when the nurses bothered him. I saw him in pictures, being held by his mommy & daddy, completely surrounded by love. I saw a miracle.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like a miracle. Sometimes I see babies or pregnant women and think why do they get to be healthy? Why couldn't Jonah be healthy too? Why didn't we get a miracle that saved his life?

I'm beginning to see we did experience a miracle. It just wasn't the miracle we wanted or prayed for. You see, Jonah was given a death sentence from the moment we arrived in that hospital on June 7th. That first night there, we heard the words "stillbirth" more than any pregnant woman should ever have to hear. They said there was nothing they could do. They'd monitor her. Hope she delivered a live baby. We prayed. Hard.

Things changed to "Well maybe we can try this... Maybe we can see if a intrauterine blood transfusion would work." We still heard bad things. "We will try this..... IF Jonah makes it through the night." "We will try this..... IF Jonah makes it through this procedure."

Well, Jonah made it through the night... and he made it through that first transfusion... and he made it through 5 more. Yeah, he was pretty much a rockstar. My sister is one too. And on the day they told us Jonah was coming, we heard a lot more negativity about draining fluid (very painful) and breathing tubes (that may not work). Jonah defied it all. He did it. He was born. He lived for 1 week... 9859 minutes he was here with us on Earth. They told my sister she may be able to hold him, MAYBE, at the end of his first week. She held him after just a few days.

It's hard because he was doing so well his first week here. But I see that now as time that was given to 2 parents that just prayed and wanted their baby to be here so badly. That went through a whole lot for a month to get him where he was.

So, you see, we did experience a miracle. He never should have been here. He never should have been held. He never should have had his first meal, he never should have opened his eyes. And that, my friends, is a true miracle. 1 week doesn't seem like enough, but oh is it so much sweeter than it could have been.

We will see you again one day soon, Jonah. Love you so much, strong boy.