This time, 5 years ago, I was sitting in a hospital bed in St. Mary's - getting news that our baby girl was breech. I was also told they were going to try to keep me pregnant for 2 weeks, to get to that 36 week mark, and oh, yeah.... "You can't get out of bed. At all." What a trip!

Yeah, I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom (bed pans = gross). And showers were out of the question.

When my water broke, we initially went to St. Anthony's in Alton. They couldn't really determine if it was my water or not, but when it officially broke there, there was no denying it was in fact my water. I kept getting up to go to the bathroom and move around and stuff while we waited for my doctor to show up and sign off on sending me over to a hospital with a NICU.

When I talked to my doctor, she acted like I'd get over there and they'd let me labor on my own and deliver my baby within the next 24 hours. She went ahead and gave me a steroid shot though to try to help the baby's lungs develop quickly.

A horribly awful ambulance ride later (my husband couldn't ride with me, I was flat on my back, contracting, my acid reflux off the charts, feeling like puking... oh, and it was the day of the Susan G. Komen race so... every road in downtown St. Louis was blocked off).

Once the St. Mary's expert doctors got in there, we found out we would NOT be delivering right away - not for 2 weeks, if they could help it. They explained they'd give me another steroid shot the next day and an amniocentesis the day after (I flipped out, no needles near my belly please! They don't do the test that way if you've already had your water broke... they just.... well, you are still leaking fluid the whole time...). The amnio would see how developed her lungs were and that could give them a better idea of how long I needed to stay pregnant and let the baby develop.

I know most women that have had a baby know the "rule" doctor's use when you're in labor - they won't let you go more than 24 hours after your water has broke. So if it breaks and 24 hours later still no baby, immediate c-section. That really is only necessary for women that are actually in labor. If you aren't (which I wasn't, really), they can keep you pregnant for a long time. You just have to have your vitals checked every hour to ensure you aren't going getting an infection and also they check the amniotic fluid to make sure it's clear. If all of those things are fine, you can stay pregnant.

Most of these women don't have to stay confined to bed. I did because.... our baby was breech! Breech babies without the cushion of amniotic fluid are more likely to end up with a compressed cord.

I only stayed pregnant for 4 days. Procardia to keep the contractions at bay only worked that long for me. The amnio showed her lungs were underdeveloped, but when she was born, she was fine and didn't need anything other than some blasts of oxygen right away. She never had any sort of breathing help in the NICU (thank you Jesus!).

I was always really mad at my body. I had 2 miscarriages before Tiny Dancer. She was born 6 weeks early. I never could breast feed her that great. I had 3 miscarriages after her. It seemed like my mom was just born to have babies without epidurals. My body was crap. At least, that's what I thought.

I did have a septum in my uterus, which is essentially a birth defect. Nothing we could have done to stop it from happening. But my body? Actually did MORE than it should have. It protected Tiny Dancer for 34 weeks. She was a healthy 5 pounds 5 ounces for 6 weeks early. She breathed on her own. My body kept her in there for 4 days, just enough time to let those steroid shots do their magic.

My specialist at Wash U told me she had never had a patient with a septate uterus deliver a baby - they mostly have miscarriages or even 2nd trimester losses. Now, I know my body did everything it could to keep that little baby safe. And I was able to carry 2 more babies all the way to 39-40 weeks and nurse them just fine.

So this is a public apology to my body: I'm sorry I was a jerk to you after Tiny Dancer was born. You did the best you could, better than most. Thanks for taking care of my babies.
Now I'm off to plan a 5th birthday party - can it even be possible?! My little miracle turns 5 on Monday! :)